As women, they may come to understand intellectually that it was nothing to do with them.What was wired into the deepest part of the psyche can’t be quickly rationalised away, but still – this is a great start on the path back to wholeness.“Good” or “bad”; intentional or unintentional – whatever the child is exposed to is absorbed into their unconscious, and anything that is repeatedly placed there becomes part of the very fabric of it.
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And early onset of menstruation is an established risk factor for breast cancer later in life, with each year of delay decreasing the risk by 10-20%. For her physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health, a girl needs to know that she is important and visible to her father, loved by him, and special to him.
All children need their parents to mirror them back to themselves, with love. Where his manner of relating to her deviates from this is where the problems start.
N is in her late 30s and enjoyed a privileged upbringing.
But her relationship with her father has been a source of great pain in her life.
Just one of several painful memories she’s recounted during our sessions: she was back on a short Easter break from university when a trivial argument broke out with her mother at the lunch table.
As usual, her father took her mother’s side and showed no interest in N’s feelings.
Again, our fathers literally helped to wire our brains during our earliest years of life, so if they were disapproving, distant, abusive or absent when we were growing up, their negativity towards us literally became a part of our psyche.
Small children essentially absorb their parents’ words, thoughts and deeds into their unconscious minds, and there is no filter.
Research has also shown that such girls are likely to enter puberty later.